Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Claim Jumper...OMG

L. and I were invited to a movie at the new southcenter mega center and dinner at one of the fine dining establishments surrounding the mall. We agreed to Claim Jumper because we had never been and heard how entertaining it can be. The place looks like you walked into someones den with over the top woodwork and excessive taxidermy. Dim lighting also fills the room with a creepy daze making it hard to focus especially when you walk out ready to puke.

Sitting on the table is a huge saloon guide that includes something like 100 drinks. I decided to try their bloody marry. When it came to the table, I was speechless...the picture is not capturing the reality of how big this was. The drink was not half bad, but the 12 inch celery stalk was a bit much. I do think that it is partly a scam as far as how much drink is in the cup with the loads of ice and 1 inch thick glass...but overall visually it was laughable.

I still have no idea why we ordered an appetizer. But since our friends had been there before we let them pick the best one. They choose the Southwest Eggrolls: chicken, cilantro, black beans, and mixed peppers. The chicken was really good, and the deep fry on the eggrolls was perfect. The dipping sauces were interesting. One was like a ranch salsa, something you would decide to make at your house after partying all night and the other one was sort of watery and salty.

Then our meals started coming out. B. got the chicken strips and fries, something they let her order "off the menu". I am still not entirely sure how they have off menu items when the menu is like a small novel. Sorry the picture is blurry, I think this is when I was prepping for a food coma. The chicken was good, almost as if they cut up whole chicken breasts then lightly coated them with a flash fry. I also tasted the shoestring fries, not bad.

I ordered the chicken and biscuits, which again were chicken breasts coated in batter and then deep fried. The dish came with two big buttermilk biscuits and two big chicken breasts. They were all coated in some sort of country gravy along side mashed potatoes. I didnt really care for the gravy, it lacked flavor. I did however like the honey butter they served on the side. I barely ate on whole breast and biscuit. The serving was insane.

L. ordered the Braised Short Ribs which came out looking quite small compared to the amount of food they were sending out to the rest of us. However, I think I was deceived because of the mound of mashed potatoes the ribs were sitting on. His also came with some steamed vegetables, looking just like school lunch, and the buttermilk biscuit.

When the last dish came out we all about died because it came with three plates. The first side were cheese potato cakes. These were deep fried mashed potatoes with some of that ranch salsa. They were good, Im not going to lie.

Second came out the garlic cheese toast.

And then the Beef Back Ribs!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone got the bright idea that we should try some of these random cocktails while we were trying to put down all this food. I lost the damn receipt and the website wont give up the saloon guide so I am not going to be able to tell you much about these damn cocktails. The one I had was some sort of 151 drink with banana and pineapple or something. It tasted like sun tan lotion.
This was some sort of specialty margarita, which was WAY too sweet.

This was a pina colada, which was lackluster and another overpriced specialty margarita.

L. should have been punched in the face for closing our meal with a dessert. We couldn't even finish our meals! But, alas he loves dessert and wanted to see what it was all about. I took one bite of what was later described as black sludge it tasted like brownie batter.

This was the Brownie Finale.

I can honestly say, I have no desire to go back here. I ate there on Sunday and I still don't feel good. Overindulgence is rough.

5901 S. 180th Street


ndrwmtsn said...

gems all over this post

TekkaDon Juan said...

hilarious...."school lunch," omg. that black sludge looks like s.o.s.

those fried mashed potato cakes look bomb...they're kind of like suppli (fried italian rice balls) which are the shit.

Suge White said...

This made me feel kind of woozy.

Anonymous said...

damn, just now reading a lil queez just seeing all the gravies, sauces, and sludges.
claim jumper looks exactly the same on the way out.

biscuit w/honey butter, i'm not mad @ you