"i'll have a dirty bacon martini, rocks, two pearl onions"

have you ever wondered what mutant baby would emerge from a $20 gallon of vodka, a trip to safeway, and an extreme admiration (well, longing. i am vegetariana, mind you.) of bacon? if so, read on...

every year i make a special liquer around the holidays to bring to parties. the first year i made a coffee and brown sugar (oh lord, the hangover!) vodka which was delicious. the next year i made something similar with the addition of cinnamon and a 100 proof base (too strong!). coffee used to be my go-to, but this year i wanted to experiment with some more creative flavors.

i thought about skittles-, apple pie-, lavendar-, caraway-, shoot, even parmiggiano-flavored liquer! in the end it seemed almost criminal not to attempt a bacon vodka. think of the possibilities: bacon bloody mary, bacon martini, bacon shots! who cares, right!?! anyhow, it's only been a day, but we'll see how this monstrosity turns out come saturday.

ah, delectable bacon in all its thick-cut, smoky glory. i cut the bacon into thin slivers to that once fried up, it would be easy to funnel the tasty bites into a bottle.

i started the bacon out cooking on high to start a good sear. after the fat started to sizzle, i turned it down to medium-low to render as much fat out of it as possible. i had no idea what i was doing, but i figured the dryer the bacon, the less unappetizing fat globules would be floating around in my vodka.

after letting as much grease soak into a napkin as possible, i transfered the bacon bits to a glass container, threw in some peppercorns, and drowned the mixture in (80 proof) vodka.

mmm, bacon-quarium.

so i lied. yesterday i made my pathetic first attempt at bacon vodka. as you can see by comparing today's batch with yesterday's, today i rendered out more fat and cooked the bacon more thoroughly.

these bad boys are getting a good shaking at least thrice a day until it's time to unleash these grotesque mutants on the world. and by "the world," i mean "my friends."

hopefully it won't taste like a fart, but only time will tell.